Clare Lilliston
And the Meat
The righteous animal.
He bit my arm. Oh, they eat,
I eat. Speak in a flash of light.
I idealize life. I respect
life because I respect fear.
The fear is called the brain.
I’m not sleeping.
I’m not at home.
A light from the sky.
Animals in danger
talk in scripture.
I know what I know.
It’s silent.
What do you do now?
Fight against
violence and winter;
violence in winter.
Nerves, air, roof, roof.
I know why the world
is closed.
The brain is called
the brain. Blessings.
I am a good animal.
Where are the bones?
The impulses of the body
flourish in the trunk
of the brain.
Skeleton of tongue,
sore throat.
Strangers on the border.
Boundaries of the unfamiliar,
put me in your arms.
Angela
and I did not feel love, only grief
and I was in grief
and I grieved
and I was not willing to write down a single word
and I could not write it properly
so I have omitted many things
and it moves slowly
and it takes such tiny steps
and it moves so ponderously toward
a flavorless vision
on the one hand afraid to promise
on the other hand compelled to promise
and I could do nothing else
and I felt greater grief than ever
and I decided to give up everything
whatever I did and however I did it
it seemed such a small thing to do
and those who write cannot write about this
and what they write they don’t understand
and I fell down and I lost all speech
and I want to speak to you
and I will not put an end to the speaking
all my joints, loosened
Clare Lilliston received their MFA in Creative Writing from Mills College, where they were a Community Engagement Fellow. Clare is one quarter of the writing and thinking collective Sundae Theory. Clare has work published or forthcoming in The Encyclopedia Project, May Day Press, MARY: A Journal of New Writing, sPARKLE & bLINK, and The Bombay Gin.